A brief introduction to the Self 

The Self is the ideas and beliefs we hold about ourselves; what we are good at, who we are, what we like and dislike, who we want to be etc. Our self-concept is synonymous to the self. The development of self begins at infancy when the child recognizes himself or herself as a separate individual. Children can sometimes quite clearly state their likes and dislikes (Butterworth,1992). The development of self also continues into adulthood wherein one’s beliefs, preferences etc change. Hence identity formation is a lifelong task. However, according to Erik Erikson(1963), identity formation is of special relevance during adolescence. In his theory of ego development, Erikson stated that the coming together of identity marks the transition from childhood to adulthood. The goal, according to him, of this’ consolidation process was to view the self as “something that has sameness and continuity, and to act accordingly”. It is only after this consolidation can one begin to make career plans, have intimate relationships etc. This is because, without the knowledge that who one is today will be similar to who one is two years later, one cannot begin to make plans about one’s future. What is essential for such important decisions is a clear and firm idea os oneself. A clear self-concept exists when one is free of self-doubt, confusions about oneself and when one is free from external pressures and does not feel buffeted by the ideas that others have of him/her. It is only with a clear self-concept that one can direct oneself (Campbell, 1990)

What is Self-Esteem and What is it based on?

Self-esteem is the evaluation we make of ourselves. According to William James (1890), self-esteem can be defined as success divided by pretensions. This definition is relevant because of its implications. Firstly it implies that what is important is not how much one has achieved, but how a person has succeeded in relation to their ambitions (here, pretensions). Hence to an untrained observer a person may have very high self-esteem because of how much the person has achieved, whereas, in reality, the same person may view him/herself quite negatively because their success falls short of their ambitions, or is simply not relevant to them. Moreover, this definition also allows us to make an assumption about how to obtain high self-esteem; i.e by avoiding failure and achieving greater success or simply by having less ambitious goals.  Here we must ask an important question: How do we measure our worth? Is it simply by objectively looking at our success and comparing it to our ambitions? A simple answer would be no. According to Charles Cooey (1902), our assessment of our worth is based on what we believe others make of us. Our assumptions of others’ assessment of us depend on how we subjectively evaluate their qualities. That is, we assume that a more successful person will judge us more harshly than a person who hasn’t had much success. Hence what shapes our self-esteem is not how our achievements are directly assessed but the subjective assumption of how these achievements will be assessed. Self-esteem is made up of self liking ( personal fondness) and self-competence ( our evaluation of ourselves as capable). It can also be of two types; explicit and implicit. Explicit self-esteem can be understood by the concrete negative or positive evaluations we make of ourselves and Implicit self-esteem is the more implicit evaluations we make of ourselves (Greenwald and Banaji, 1995). A clear distinction between these two types of self-esteem can be found by looking at Karasawa and Kitayama (1997) study, where they found that though Japanese individuals are less likely to answer self-esteem scales in an explicit self-enhancing manner, they show a preference for letters in their names and numbers that correspond to their birthdate. 

The basis of one’s self-esteem is different for a woman as compared to a man. Josephs et al (1992) found that self-esteem is related to successfully achieving culturally mandated gender-appropriate norms. Theorists have long found consensus in the idea that men and women’s self-concept are likely to be different in very important aspects. (Stewart and Lykes, 1985). Hence though men and women do not differ in their overall self-esteem, the basis for their self-esteem may be different. Where women and men differ in how they view their self in relation to others- women having a very collectivist and connected self-schema and men having a very independent and autonomous self-schema. This difference has been explained by many psychologists. For example, Chodorow(1978) believed that such a difference is the result of the relationship between the mother and the child. That is because the mother and the son have differences, separation becomes central whereas since the mother and daughter are more alike, continuity with one another becomes central. Miller (1986) proposed that because women are more powerless in society they have to be more responsive to others. This leads to interpersonal relationships and interdependence becoming very central to a women’s self-concept. Thus because of such differences in self- concept, the basis for self-esteem also differs. This pivotal study by Josephs et al found that for men self-esteem is based on seeing oneself as unique ( which emphasizes on an individuation process ) and for women self-esteem is bases on seeing oneself as sensitive to or attuned to others.

Causes, Costs and Benefits of Self-Esteem

The main influence on one’s self-esteem is of one’s parents. This influence is partly genetic and partly based on the love and affection that one receives from one’s primary socializers. According to Rober Taibbi, it is during our childhood that we develop our Bottom line- the way you feel about something based on early experiences. For example, how you felt when your toy was taken away from you forcefully for the first time maybe how you feel every time when you are abandoned. This Bottom line helps you develop your own ‘rules of living’- how you want to live your life. For example, if the way you feel about yourself is that you are useless, you will live in a way that will allow people to take advantage of you. These are some common symptoms of low self-esteem :

• Unable to trust your own opinion
• Always overthinking
• Afraid to take challenges, being worried you wouldn’t overcome them
• Hard on yourself but lenient with others
• Frequent anxiety and emotional turmoil

According to Suzaane Lachamann (2013), sexual abuse, the media, bullying may all lead to low self-esteem. Disapproving authority figures who told you you were never good enough, Uninvolved parents who made you feel like you were unacknowledged and forgotten, authority figures in conflict who make you feel like you have contributed to their unhappiness can all lead to a negative evaluation of self and consequently low self-esteem. If your primary caregivers were otherwise occupied while you were being bullied and downplayed your experience, or they let you down when you needed their advocacy, you might have struggled with feeling undeserving of notice, unworthy of attention, and angry at being shortchanged. This too might have lead to low self-esteem. Repeated public failures, such as failing in your exams constantly may also lead to a lowered self-esteem. 

According to Nicholas Emler (2001), the following are the effects of self-esteem, both low and high:

Young people with very low self-esteem are more likely to

• show symptoms of depression; be more often unhappy
• become pregnant as teenagers (girls)
• have suicidal thoughts and make suicide attempts
• experience in their twenties longer periods of unemployment and earn less (males)
• suffer from eating disorders (if they are female)
• be victimised
• fail to respond to social influence
• have more difficulty forming and sustaining successful close relationships. 

Young people with low self-esteem are not more likely to

• commit crimes, including violent crimes
• use or abuse illegal drugs
• drink alcohol to excess or smoke
• as parents, physically or sexually abuse their own children
• fail academically

Hence though people with low self-esteem treat themselves badly they don’t treat others badly. However, high self-esteem is not the social antidote that many believe it to be. Rather a young person with high self-esteem is more likely to hold prejudiced attitudes towards an ethnic group, reject social influence and engage in physically risky pursuit.

Conclusion (How to develop Self-esteem)

It is important to understand that by inducing positive life experiences, a person’s self-esteem may not increase. This is because positive life-events enhance the health of those with high self-esteem but adversely affect the health of those with low self-esteem. One’s self-esteem can be developed by proper interventions that are specifically designed to increase self-esteem. These interventions have not been successfully used as preventative measures but have shown success when used by people with low self-esteem. Interventions only work when they target self-esteem and not the assumed symptoms of lows self-esteem. Rational Emotive Therapy ( Ellis, 1973) also seems to work as a method that improves self-esteem. RET is a cognitive behavioural therapy technique which concentrates on altering irrational beliefs. Other therapies that focus not only on changing one’s thought patterns but also one’s behaviour (CBT) have also been found to improve one’s self-esteem. Being kind to oneself, being assertive, and trying to build positive relationships ( even though low self-esteem can be both an obstacle on the path of creating  of intimate interpersonal relationships and a result of the lack of such relationships) can also help improve one’s self esteem.

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WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF ABUSE?

Abuse can be of many types and though this article will be focusing mainly on sexual abuse, it is important to understand most of them. Broadly there are 6 types of abuses: Physical, Verbal, Mental, Financial, Cultural and Sexual. Physical abuse or violence is to do with invading one’s personal space and hitting, beating etc. Linked to such abuse is domestic abuse or what is called Intimate Partner Violence. Verbal or Emotional abuse is also relevant to this paper. Emotional abuse can include belittling someone, making fun of someone, constantly critiquing someone etc. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse is harder to visibly identify. Mental abuse occurs when one is made to believe that one is crazy, where one is constantly made to reach the brink of a breakdown. Constant gaslighting, ‘victim playing’ etc are examples of mental abuse- a series of actions which wears away at the other’s sense of mental well being. When actions which amount to mental abuse occur over a sustained period they can make the person feel like they are “ going crazy”.

Financial abuse is essentially control of economic resources. Money is a huge source of power and withholding the same amounts to an abuse of power. This would include not letting the survivor open their bank accounts, not giving them money when they need it etc. Cultural abuse amounts to using a part of the survivor’s culture to abuse them. For example not letting a Muslim practice Ramdan or threatening to ‘out someone’ because of their sexual orientation. Sexual abuse includes various actions under it. This includes but is not limited to grabbing someone’s private parts, forcing anal sex, forcing vaginal penetration, forcing cunnilingus/oral sex. It also involves using sex as a weapon or using it as the basis for assigning someone value. It is essentially, “ unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent”. Usually, sexual abuse, in the case of women includes penetration as shown in a study in 1999. Studies have also found that there is no significant correlation between childhood emotional abuse, physical abuse and neglect in adult sexuality, independent of the other forms of abuse. Hence since sexual abuse is the only concept which has shown to have an independent impact on sexual health most of the times, I have focused on that. However, I also touch upon the impact of intimate partner violence and emotional abuse

SEXUAL SELF CONCEPT

Snell and Papini in 1989 came up with the concept of sexual self-concept- how an individual feels about his or her own sexuality. According to them, the sexual self-component has three components: “Sexual Self-Esteem (SSE) (dispositional tendency to positively evaluate one’s ability to relate sexually with others), Sexual Depression (SD) (chronic tendency to feel sad and discouraged about the sexual aspects of one’s life) and Sexual Preoccupation (SP); the continuing tendency to be absorbed and obsessed with sexual thoughts and behaviours that practically prevent one from thinking about other matters” (Snell, Fisher, & Schuh, 2001; Snell & Papini, 1989).

 SSE and SD were opposite constructs of the same psychological dimension that is if one believes one is satisfactorily being able to engage in sexual congress and relate sexually with others he/she will not face SD- feeling like one has failed to do ‘well’ sexually. Wiedemann & Allgeier, 1993 found a positive relationship between SP and SD in men which lead to overall low self-esteem and clinical depression. Heinrichs et al 2009 found that SSE is an important aspect of sexual health. SSE is learnt from one’s sexual history, relationships with peers and familial context (Gaynor and Underwood,1995). Studies show that SSE is negatively correlated to sexual risk behaviours and sexual abuse but is positively correlated to sexual assertiveness, sexual satisfaction, sexual identity, wellbeing, body image and perceptions of physical attractiveness. Lack of SSE has been found in women who are survivors of sexual abuse, cancer and women who use drugs. It is important to understand the concept of sexual self-concept because of its link to the concept of “traumatic sexualization” which is extremely relevant to this paper. Finklehor and Browne (1985) stated that because of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) one may be confused about one’s sexual self-concept and have unusual emotions attached to sex. Essentially CSA, according to this concept leads to an inappropriate sexual identity. For example, the belief that only by engaging in sexual congress will one be ‘loved and saved’.

THE IMPACT ON FEMALE SEXUAL HEALTH

Generally, it has been found that women who have been sexually abused have a higher sexual drive, more number of sexual fantasies, engage in a lot of masturbation and sexual intercourse (Meston et al 1999) However conversely an older review by Browne and Finklehor (1986) found CSA to be linked in women to inhibited orgasm, lower sexual self-esteem and negative attitudes towards sexuality. Women have also reported their sexual abuse negatively. Such a stark difference between how men and women view sexual abuse can be explained by the following reasons. Women are more likely to face sexual abuse at a younger age compared to men. Child sexual abuse amongst females is more likely to involve incestuous acts whereas the same isn’t the case with men. Moreover, many men do not see sexual abuse as abuse because of the physiological response of an erection to forced stimulation of their genitals. Some men cannot discriminate between mental and physiological(which is out of their control when their prostate is stimulated) responses to abuse and hence incorrectly remember the event as something “ they enjoyed”. Female promiscuity which is a natural result of child sexual abuse goes against the feminine norm of submissiveness and restraint when it comes to initiating sexual congress, because of such a clash, women may come to see themselves as sexually atypical (unrestricted, damaged etc). However, for men, such a self-perception will not be formed because they are expected to be sexually unrestrained. Kinder and Bartoi, 2008 have reported that women who have been sexually abused are more sexually dissatisfied, more non-sensual and less satisfied with the overall quality of their recent sexual relationships as compared to non-abused women. Dore (1994) stated that a combination of childhood physical and sexual abuse results in unsafe sex and alcohol and drug-related sexual behaviour.  A study of a sample in Iran also found that women who experience Intimate partner violence show sexual dysfunction. Pulverman (2018) showed that repeated CSA leads to sexual dysfunction in women. This would include disorders of desires and arousal. CSA also leads to low sexual arousal in females. CSA is defined as unwanted sex between an adult and a child involving penetration vaginally, orally, anally using one’s organs or foreign objects. This link occurs for many reasons. Meston and Heiman 2000 found, using a card-sorting task that abused women who have been abused show that they perceive sexual stimuli negatively. Secondly, the Sympathetic nervous system activation may also explain why women who have experienced abuse do not find pleasure in sex. SNS activation (increased heart rate, breathing, muscle tension etc) occurs both during abuse and sex. However, it is possible that during chosen sexual congress as well, the survivor may relive portions of their abuse. It is because of this that SNS arousal in abused females is already high. Hence the ‘normal’ arousal which accompanies intercourse may make the cumulative SNS arousal too high for females, resulting in either pain or unsatisfactory sexual experiences. Low body image and a negative sexual self- concept have also been used to explain such a reaction. Jennie and Penelope also found that abused partners are more pre-occupied with sex, younger at first voluntary intercourse, are more likely to become a teenage mother and show lower birth control efficacy. They also show that if the girl has been abused by the biological father, it results in higher sexual ambivalence and aversion in her.

THE IMPACT ON MEN SEXUAL HEALTH

Meston et al 1999 found that for men frequency of emotional abuse independent to any other form of abuse was negatively correlated to sexual satisfaction and body image. One reason for this could be that because of said emotional abuse, global self-appraisal was affected, that is because of constantly being told one is worthless, ugly etc one may start viewing themselves as such and this may affect their body image. Another proposed reason was emotional abuse in men leads to a fall in self-efficacy which consequently leads to a fall in their dating efficacy. Therefore, this results in an inability to initiate dates as is assumed to be the norm for men, due to which their sexual pleasure may be impacted, however, further research needs to be done in this area. Romano and Luca 1999 found that men do not report sexual assault. This is because of many reasons, firstly because of the fear of being termed as homosexual. Since in most cases of male sexual abuse the abuser is also male, the survivors feel that if they report such a case they may invariably be termed as homosexuals. Secondly, men have to follow the pervasive norm of being stoic and restrained. By reporting their abuse men seek to violate this norm and hence usually opt for silence. Lastly, boys are given more freedom than girls during childhood. Fearing that this freedom will be snatched away from them if they report that they have been abused, they shy away from reporting child sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse in men leads to more externalising behaviour (aggression) whereas, for women, it leads to more internalising behaviour. It is a combination of the fear of being a homosexual (because of the fear that reporting abuse by a man may be synonymous to being gay) and a belief that the abuse happened because they were showing feminine attributes ( being a ‘sissy’, wearing ‘girly pants’, having fewer muscles and a soft voice), that sexual abuse in men leads to compensatory behaviours. This would include excessive masturbation, hypersexuality, aggressive sexual behaviours etc. Brie (1996) explained the cycle of compensatory sexual behaviours wherein the survivor seeks partners to receive nurturance, but then finds such a superficial contact unsatisfactory after the initial excitement fades which leads to the individual seeking another sexual partner. Moreover, if the survivor experiences an orgasm during the abuse it may lead to a life long obsession with abuse-related masturbation. However, it is important to point out here that the anus, for men, is extremely sensitive and when stimulated may lead to ejaculation or erection. This is because the stimulation of the prostate leads to physiological responses in men which are beyond their control. 

THE IMPACT ON THE LESBIAN GAY BISEXUAL COMMUNITY

CSA victims and LGB adolescence usually experience the same feelings. This is because both have similar feelings of sexual confusion, shame and have a stigmatised identity. Sexual abuse influences sexual identity formation. This is because many gay people explore sex with other people before coming out, and hence this “coming out” process may be affected. Specifically, some LGB individuals who have experienced CSA may engage in sex before their non-abused peers and some may avoid sex altogether.  Brady, 2014 explained how the coming out process may be affected by stating that CSA retards the Homosexual Identity formation(HIF) process (Cass, 1979).The  six stages of HIF are: (a) Identity Confusion, (b) Identity Comparison,(c)  Identity  Tolerance,  (d)  Identity  Acceptance,  (e)  Identity  Pride,  and(f) Identity Synthesis. The first three stages concern the question “Who am I?” while the latter three stages concern the question “Where do I belong?”.  CSA impacts homosexuals in a very unique manner, CSA, in any case, leads to confusion, inferiority and despair in individuals. If one adds to this a culture which disdains homosexuality it results in an entire population of people who have difficulty in reconciling an affirmative gay identity. For example, a case study shows that CSA in a 60+year-old man retarded the HIF process so much that he did not come out until he was above 65. This was because the first stage of identity confusion was prolonged. Studies have also shown that gay men are at a higher risk of physical and sexual abuse and Wrights (2001) stated that gay men engage in a spiral of risk wherein they perform high-risk sexual behaviour just so that they can belong avoid abandonment. This leads to a negative impact on self-esteem. Hall (1999) stated that problems in sexual relationships in lesbians as a result of sexual abuse arise in different forms. This includes high sex risk-taking behaviour, an inability to express sexual needs, fear of initiating sex, inability to discriminate between sex, love and intimacy etc. Herman 1992 stated that repeated trauma erodes the structure of personality already formed, but also repeated trauma during childhood forms and deforms the personality. It is perhaps because of this that gay men choose abused partners and have problems in finding love and managing their relationships. 

THE GENERAL IMPACT OF ABUSE ON SEXUAL HEALTH 

Dionne 2016 found that abuse of power in relationships which takes the form of sexual abuse has a two- dimensional impact. If the individual seeks to end their pain by using drugs, engaging in multiple sexual relationships, the risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections may increase. Whereas if the individual seeks to heal by participating in ceremonies, seeking out spirituality etc such risks reduce. Studies have also shown that In sexually abused individuals the following sexually inappropriate behaviours exist; Unplanned, interpersonal sexual behaviour, Self-focused sexual behaviour, Planned coercive interpersonal sexual behaviour. HAVOCA , a social group found that sexual abuse could also lead to sexual dysfunction, painful sex, celibacy, avoidance of sex in all genders. They may also become promiscuous if they feel they are only good for sex because survivors are not taught that their worth is independent of their sexual desirability. They face an inability today NO. This is because they fear if they do so their only worth as an individual will disappear or they will face punishment or rejection. Abused individuals may also prefer one night stands ( a study shows that women do) however the more they know a person the less they want sex. This is because survivors are unable to disconnect sex from intimacy and cannot connect sex and love. 

CONCLUSION

This paper is relevant for many reasons. Firstly because it provides an insight into why STI’s maybe so prevalent in gay men- as studies have shown that gay men are at a higher risk for sexual abuse. Secondly, it highlights research areas which haven’t been touched upon and need further academic evaluation. Thirdly, it allows us to understand why some men and women are so sexually promiscuous. The differential impact for men and women also indicated that the therapeutic process for both these sexes needs to be different. It is difficult to elaborate on how one can treat the impacts of abuse in short. Mostly therapy is the path which is heavily relied on. If an abused individual is in a relationship, interpersonal and intrapersonal communication can also go a very long way. Survivors often need to be the initiators of sex in order to feel in control. This is an important thing for partners to understand. Joining support groups also has a positive impact on abused individuals. Child- parent therapy and trauma-focused cognitive therapy are the two types of therapies that are usually recommended. Therapy usually allows the individual to develop healthy coping mechanisms, and understand the root of their maladaptive behaviours. One should always offer support to an abused individual, remind them that they were not at fault and if possible, help them feel safe (if your relationship with them is an intimate one). Equine-assisted therapy and mindfulness techniques have also helped abused individuals/survivors.

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Emotions- Their Nature and Definitions

The Latin root word for emotions is emovere which refers to everything that moves us in any way, pleasantly or unpleasantly. Emotions have also been understood as e + motion; wherein ‘e’ stands for energy. Each emotion has some energy stored in it which moves us to act in a particular way. For example; when we are sad we feel a strong urge to cry. Each psychologist has defined emotion in their way. I will highlight the important ones below:

Woodsworth (1945) said that it is a ‘stirred-up state’ as it appears to the individual and a ‘disturbed glandular or muscular activity’ as it appears to an observer. Charles G Morris (1979) defined as an “affective experience” that involves “diffuse physiological changes” and expresses itself in behaviour. McDougall (1949) stated that one feels emotions under the wave of some “instinctual excitement”. McDougall identified 14 basic instincts and concluded that all combinations of emotions are a result of these basic instincts ( for example the instinct of fight gives rise to the feeling of fear, the instinct of mating gives rise to lust, etc). Though varied, the definitions all point to the same thing- that emotions involve an affective experience that accompanies some physiological changes and leads to some overt physical behaviour. Simply put, the three parts of emotional experience are –Cognitive, Physiological and Behavioural. The cognitive element accounts for an emotional stimulus reaching our brain, our perception of it as “good” or “bad” and our decision of action as a result of the emotion. The physiological aspect is to do with the change in heart rate, breathing rate, sweat, etc, and your posture and facial expressions and or verbal behaviour accounts for the Behavioural aspect of this experience.

To further understand emotions, one must seek to understand different parts of the brain- for this allows us to understand the neurological origin of emotions. According to SK Mangal in his book Emotional Intelligence (2015), the first brain to have appeared is the reptile brain which sits at the top of the spinal cord as a bulb-like structure. This part of the brain controls all involuntary, automatic and reflexive actions of our body- for example, our breathing, our heartbeat, etc. It is the oldest structure and is said to have been mainly what the reptiles made us of. The second structure is the Limbic brain- which is also called the emotional brain. It houses the amygdala- a structure that is involved with the production and functioning of emotions (Goleman,1995). This brain is irrational and acts involuntarily. To control it for the betterment of the self and others, we have the last structure- the Rational brain/ the neocortex (which lies in the middle of your temples). Also commonly known as the thinking brain whose main function is regulation and coordination. It is important to note here, that because of the location of such structures – neural pathways bring information to the limbic brain first and then to the rational brain. This often leads to what Goleman (1995) calls ‘emotional hijacking’, wherein the limbic brain overpowers the rational brain- and therefore we act extremely emotionally. For example: if someone hits us and we automatically hit them back. Though important sometimes ( for example during an emergency), it may lead us astray at times as we react before we have time to weigh our options.

All emotions have certain common characteristics (According to SK Mangal 2015):

1. Emotions are related to some form of instinctual drive: this points to how emotions are birthed from some wave of instinctual excitement. For example, we can only feel the feeling of anger after we have the instinct of combat
2. Emotions are a product of our perception: Perception refers to ‘ meaning added to sensation’. For example, when you step on a book- your sensation is limited to you stepping on something solid, but it is through the individualized meaning-making that you term that something- a book. All emotions are a product of perception. Shakespeare in Hamlet once said that “nothing is good or bad, our thinking makes it so”. For example, when we perceive to have lost someone, we feel sad.
3. Emotions reveal the individual’s makeup: Emotions reveal what makes an individual tick, what their likes are, their goals, what issues are important to them. Essentially since emotions are a result of perception- the meaning-making process is extremely telling of the individual. For example, not everyone feels angry when they read LGBTQ+ rights but some do because of their preferences
4. Emotions matter too much to us- Segal (1997) wrote emotions are lifelines to self-preservation and self-awareness. They are so important that they connect us to “ourselves and the cosmos’

Emotional Intelligence: What it is and what it is not?

For a very long time, the only focus of psychologists viz-a-viz intelligence was thinking, problem-solving, reasoning, etc. It was E L Thorndike in 1914 who expanded this narrow understanding of intelligence and came up with the concept of social intelligence which was to do with managing human relations. Then came David Wechsler, the father of IQ who in 1940 stated that intelligence included ‘intellectual capabilities and non-intellectual capabilities. In fact, he wrote in 1940 that to totally understand intelligence one must understand both these capabilities. Then R.W Leeper in 1948, following in Thorndike’s and Wechsler’s footsteps spoke about emotional thought and its contribution to logical thought. However, after that for almost 30 years the importance of EI in literature declines until Gardner (1983) wrote about multiple intelligences. In his theory of multiple intelligences, it was interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligence which was similar to the concept of emotional intelligence. Sternberg’s (1985) idea of ‘street smarts’ as a part of what he called Practical Intelligence was also related to the concept of EI. 

Now that we have touched briefly upon the history of this concept we can begin to define it. Like emotions, here too I will delineate some of the important definitions. Firstly we look at Mayor and Salovey (1990) who defined EI as the ability to ‘monitor’ one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, ‘discriminate’ amongst them and use the information to ‘guide one’s thinking and actions’. Mayor, Caruso 

and Salovey (1999) stated that EI was the ability to recognise the ‘meaning of one’s emotions’ and to reason on the basis of them. Stein and Book(2004) stated that emotional intelligence helps us survive in the complete world and hence refers to the personal, social and survival aspects of intelligence. Bechara, Tranel and Damasio (2000) stated that EI is comprised of abilities that are separate from IQ. From these definitions we can determine the characteristics of EI ( according to SK Mangal in Emotional Intelligence, 2015) :

1. Emotional Intelligence differs from cognitive intelligence as it focuses on non-cognitive capacities as well
2. It helps in the recognition and regulation of one own’s emotions and others as well. It is from the social skills that arise out of this intelligence that one adjusts and survives.
3. Emotional Intelligence is similar to ‘street smarts’ utilizing which an individual finds success in his day to day life
4. Emotional Intelligence helps us make our emotional behaviour, which in itself is a joint product of our emotions followed by an attitude associated with that emotion, reasonable
5. EI helps with the proper synthesis of the head and the heart- resulting in us in behaving in contextually appropriate ways.

Here again, I draw your attention to the aforementioned parts of your brain. Whereas General intelligence (measured by IQ) is a product of the rational brain- EI is the product of the joint functioning of the limbic and rational brain. The reason for this coordination is simple- it is done so that one can adjust to one’s reality. For example, a child knows that he/she will get what he/she wants by crying or shouting but a 30-year-old employee knows that similar behaviour in their workplace will be detrimental to their success. Hence the employee needs to behave differently, and it is here that the limbic brain takes the help of the rational brain to execute emotionally intelligent behaviour. As we stated before neural pathways always travel first to the limbic brain and then the rational brain- hence it is EI which ensures that we express and act on our emotions in accordance to reason and reality ( it is why even though we are feeling irritated right now, all of us are avoiding parties and clubs).

 Emotional Intelligence can be conflated with many other similar concepts- however, it isn’t an aptitude, it is not something that can be achieved as it is subject to change and cannot be judged according to one’s performance in things(example: EI cannot be understood from one’s performance in a math test or a dance program). Instead, EI is more to do with the demonstration of certain abilities, which can always be developed in an individual. Emotional Intelligence hence is not a stable prize to be won because of a performance in a certain sphere. To look at it as just related to performance in one sphere is extremely reductionist as EI is made up of many traits and abilities. EI also isn’t a vocational interest which is more to do with one’s inclination towards some work. EI is also not equivalent to your personality because of the changing nature of EI. Most importantly however EI isn’t the same thing as cognitive intelligence. It differs from cognitive intelligence in many ways. Firstly, IQ keeps increasing till the age of 20 after which it remains stable, however, EQ the measure of emotional intelligence does not follow the same pattern. It can increase or decrease given the person’s circumstances. Because of this, EQ is not calculated keeping in mind one’s age whereas IQ is. Cognitive intelligence and EI also differ with regards to the structure of the brain they involve. Cognitive intelligence and the skills associated with it may put hurdles in the path of EI ( where sometimes the head is given to much importance and we act in ways that hamper us) but the opposite is not true as EI doesn’t interfere with the development of Cognitive Intelligence. Whilst high Cognitive intelligence does assure one good marks it doesn’t assure one success in their workplace, however, EI does. Commenting on the role of EI in the workplace, Bar-on (2004) wrote that EI ‘levels the playing field’.

The Models of Emotional Intelligence and its Relevance

It is only by recognizing the models of emotional intelligence that we can begin to understand the complexity of the concept – which invariably increases our understanding of EI as a structure of its own. Moreover, depending on which model you subscribe to, the ways to develop EI will differ. We will hence briefly touch upon the three models of EI: ability model, trait model and mixed model. 

In the ability model, EI is said to be comprised of a set of mental abilities or skills which help in the processing of emotion relevant information. Ability model proponents state that individuals differ in their ability to process emotional information and the ability to integrate said information into cognition. One very famous ability model is the Mayer Salovey and Caruso (2000) mental- ability model. The first tier is to do with recognizing and expressing one’s emotions. The second tier is to do with prioritizing thinking, i.e. using emotions to facilitate judgment. The third tier is to do with differentiating and labeling of emotions and the fourth tier is to do with using one’s emotions to achieve some social goal ( example; using your strong emotions for some person to become their partner, or using your emotions about the environment to form a movement). 

The trait model assumes that emotional intelligence is a trait-based phenomenon. According to the proponents of this model Emotional intelligence comprises some personality trait which aids an individual to process emotion-related information. This model was initially developed in 2009 by K.V Petrides. According to this model, individuals differ in emotional intelligence because they differ in their possession of the traits associated with the same. Some examples of the traits associated with EI are ( according to the Trait Emotional Intelligence Questionnaire) : adaptability, stress management, empathy, happiness, self-esteem, social awareness, etc. The mixed model, as the name suggests proposes that EI is comprised of many relevant personality traits as well as several appropriate skills. A very important model of this type is the Goleman model (2000). Goleman looked at EI as comprised of social competencies, traits and behaviours which help an individual achieve success in one’s social life and workplace.

It is important now at this juncture that we pause and try and understand why emotional intelligence is so relevant. Firstly, during the time of the pandemic, emotional intelligence is vital so as to make sure we behave like rational adults and deal with the stress and anxiety which is as rampant as the pandemic itself. Secondly, EI is related to improvement in the quality of relationships (Kleef and Hideg, 2011). Thirdly, emotional intelligence leads to improvement in teamwork, conflict management, coaching skills and job satisfaction- all of which lead to improved work performance. Fourthly, emotional intelligence is correlated with increased self-esteem and life satisfaction ( Mayer et al 2008). This same study has also shown that those with high EI are perceived positively by people which sheds a light on the importance of the same in leadership. EI is also inversely related to violence, bullying, tobacco use and drug problems (Mayer, Salovey and Caruso, 2004). The concept of emotional intelligence proves that it is not always the rational brain whose independent functioning can lead to success in one’s life. Moreover, EI cuts across gender and race lines, which makes the concept a palatable one to all, unlike cognitive intelligence which has shown slight differences along gender and race lines. It is the so-called equality of this concept which contributes to its popularity in literature

Conclusion; Development of Emotional Intelligence

It is apt to conclude this paper with a brief understanding of how to develop emotional intelligence. According to SK Mangal in his book Emotional intelligence (2015), EI can be developed at two junctures: firstly, at childhood and then at adulthood. Whereas development during childhood is more to do with the acquisition of EI, development in adulthood is to do with improving EI. In childhood, the child must be provided with positive models of emotional intelligence. Goleman (1997) stated that children learn EI from parents and then teachers. They should also be exposed to the skills associated to emotional intelligence through audiovisual mediums ( for example showing them movies and making them hear songs that emphasize stress management, empathy, happiness). Thirdly, children should be taught to properly manage and regulate their emotions. This comes only if the parent accepts and validates the child’s feelings and then adequately deal with them. For adults, however, the task of development of EI falls on the individual himself/herself and not on someone else. As an adult we must do the following to improve our EI; firstly, we must start with an assessment of our current level of emotional intelligence. Then we should identify the main skill that requires the major enhancement and the other smaller skills that require a smaller push towards betterment. Thirdly, we should prioritise the skills that need to be enhanced and practice them one by way. Fourthly, we must seek constant feedback and reinforcement from ourselves whilst practicing these skills. One can seek feedback from one’s family or friends or one can be observant and reflective and assess themselves. It is important to understand that the development of EI takes time and hence patience should be exercised. Moreover, each success, no matter how small should be acknowledged to foster the development of the same in a positive direction. 

In conclusion, emotional intelligence is a very important concept, and extremely relevant in today’s time. Because of its very nature, emotional intelligence is vital for the success of an individual both personally and socially. Hence even though cognitive intelligence is important one can argue of the overpowering significance of emotional intelligence.

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What is Regression?

Sigmund Freud, as a part of his psychoanalytic theory, came up with the concept of defence mechanisms- whenever an unacceptable thought, feeling, instinct passes the censors of the Unconscious and the Preconscious, and enters into our Conscious mind in its original/distorted form- we feel anxiety. This anxiety signals our Ego (a structure in our mind which allows us to function in reality) to use the psychic energy to produce defence mechanisms. Defence mechanisms are, if used correctly, very healthy and are required for survival. They are a normal aspect of development and are most importantly, unconsciously used to deal with the anxiety within us. The pandemic has caused a lot of fear in us due to the immense amount of uncertainty that surrounds us. It has also caused a giant upheaval in our daily lives- many of us are currently jobless, or in our parent’s homes, or unable to meet our friends. Because of this stress and anxiety, many of us are unconsciously using defence mechanisms- some are in Denial, some of us are using Humour, Sublimation but many of us, especially children are Regressing.

Regression is a very common defence, in which the individual, in the face of distress, retreats to an earlier stage of development. We do this because it is too overwhelming to deal with the stage, we are currently in hence we revert back to a stage of development in which we felt protected and safe. An example of regression would be a child sucking on his thumb on his first day of school, or a teenager throwing a temper tantrum. Regression is normal during childhood and even adults regress- it’s completely healthy to do so as long as it is temporary. Anna Freud (1965) said these ‘backward movements’ accompany all major achievements in a child’s life. The child regresses to prepare himself for the next stage or to accumulate the gains from the previous stages. For instance, clean toilet habits aren’t acquired at one go, the child may use the toilet appropriately one day and the very next day regress (temporarily) back to an earlier stage.

Psychoanalytical View of Stress and Trauma

One common aspect of all defence mechanisms is that is a result of anxiety. What causes anxiety differs from person to person. Stress and trauma also cause defences to be utilized. According to Freud (1926), we are in the midst of realangst– a realistic anxiety caused by reality-based sources. The response to this can be three dimensional. Firstly, there will be people who will be acting properly to reality – engaging in appropriate amount of cleaning, washing of hands, wearing masks etc. Secondly, there are people who are lacking, in some way affect tolerance. This pandemic, for them, is causing a loss of touch with reality because of their severe impairment in handling stress. Thirdly are people for whom the reality is stirring up some current or past personal problem which leads to them using symbolic reactions or defences. COVID is a trauma for few and stress for most – it is a trauma for those who have either personally suffered from the virus or have lost a member of their family or social support system to it. To Freud trauma was “any excitations from the outside world that was powerful enough to break the protective shield”. Trauma causes a person to feel disorganized and helpless (Breur and Freud 1983) because of the overwhelming emotion the situation triggers. Traumas encountered during early adult or adolescence can be rekindled when there are reality-based interpersonal stressors in the current situation which results in mistrust (Blum, 2010). Traumas are extremely detrimental to psychological well-being and security – for example, it can impact intelligence (Blackman, 1991).

Stress, on the other hand, is, according to Selye (1936)- the non-specific response of the body to any demand for change. According to Selye stress works in three stages- alarm, resistance and exhaustion. In the alarm stage- the danger is perceived and epinephrine and cortisol are produced (the stress hormones). For example- parents fighting, the news of your temperature rising can cause this stage to occur. Psychoanalytically, the second stage is the stage where defences are used (Blackman 2003) and affect tolerance is exhibited (Kernberg 1975). In the third stage, the anxiety reaches a stage which can no longer be managed by ego defences. People in the third stage become overwhelmed and dysfunctional. Another source of stress during the pandemic are grouped. Slavson (1947) writes that in groups where there is some cohesion ( for example your family, community, and especially communities in India!) people use ‘mutual induction’ to exacerbate the emotional intensity of others emotions. Essentially what occurs is that the emotional excesses of people in the group cause emotional exacerbation in other people in the group-which causes an emotional contagion. The dangers of this are that when people react and become anxious as a group they engage in the defences of minimisation and denial and do not take proper protective measures- for example in the Wuhan district many workers left their N95 masks at home when they went for work- showing the utilization of denial as a defence mechanism.

The Physiological Impact of Stress and the Symptoms of Regression

During the COVID pandemic, many parents are saying that their children are no longer able to go to the toilet by themselves, many don’t want to leave their parents, many are throwing tantrums, engaging in baby talk, being hyperactive etc. This is because maturity, a necessary part of development, requires inward ‘management’ by the frontal cortex to ensure our behaviours comply with societal standards- this includes learning to hold in one’s faeces, learning to manage emotions etc. As we grow up, this ‘management’ becomes stronger and more polished. Even though a child’s frontal cortex is doing its best, it’s still not fully developed. In any case during stress, this control by the frontal cortex reduces and we start acting in accordance with our instincts (our limbic system). Acting according to instincts, with no regard for reality is a cornerstone of earlier stages of development- and children revert to them as a response to the overwhelming stress. Another sign of regression, as mentioned before is hyperactivity (both in children as well as adults). Stress impacts the amygdala- the brain’s alarm centre. This makes us and anxious, reactive and scared. The pandemic is also causing emotional outbursts, excessive crying and other similar reactions in specific individuals. This occurs because stress impacts the emotional centres of the brain- making us more aggressive or reactive. Along with affecting the control centre of the brain- the prefrontal cortex, stress also impacts the memory centres of the brain. This makes storage and acquisition of information difficult- hence children are forgetting recently acquired ‘mature’ habits like potty training and adults are forgetting coping mechanisms that have worked effectively for them in the past and are failing to learn new appropriate stress management mechanisms.

Signs of Regression in Adults and Children

Though adults are also regressing, many parents are complaining about their children regressing to an earlier stage. In children, there are several signs of regression. Firstly, there are potty accidents– refusal to use the toilet, sudden foiling of pants. This perhaps occurs because in times of uncertainty “kiddos want to control”, and since there is so little under their direct control, they may manifest with regression in potty training, i.e. controlling their faces (Robbie Heath, 2020). Secondly, there is disrupted sleeping– children who would be able to sleep peacefully throughout the night are waking up multiple times at night. So much so that there has been a boom in sleep therapy during the pandemic. Decreased Independence is another implication of the pandemic, whereby children who had learnt to play alone are becoming very clingy and dependent. Learning being disrupted and Language regression is another sign of regression – increasingly children are talking in their ‘baby voice’ and using ‘baby words’- and children who had been successfully hitting developmental milestones are forgetting and learning extremely slowly. Moreover, if there are behaviour disruptions- that too is a sign of regression. That is if your child who has learnt self-soothing behaviours is suddenly throwing tantrums – he may be regressing.

Adults regress for similar reasons that children regress- insecurity, fear, anxiety. Teenagers and adults are now being forced to spend hours with their parents- and many have been made to come back home from their hostel/colleges. This means, for many, continuous arguments, feeling helpless and stifled and feeling lost. This is a form of stress and for some the rekindling of trauma. This is making them react in ways similar to the way they did when they were younger. Teenagers are acting like children- crying, whining, throwing tantrums, being messy and adults are acting teenager’s ad children- playing video games for hours, binging on food and shows, listening to music they did when they were younger. They do this because teenage behaviours, unlike adult behaviours are also usually defined by impulsivity and immediate gratification. Usually, teenagers engage in such behaviours because their frontal lobes do not completely develop till they are 21- but adults who mirror their behaviour do so as a response to stress. Many adults and teenagers are re-watching episodes of the series that brought them comfort when they were younger and felt isolated, many are studying in the same spot they did as kids, many are listening to the same music they did even though it doesn’t match their current taste. These are all forms of regression. Regressions to various stages can look different- for example, regression to the first stage of psychosexual development- oral can take the form of nail-biting, being verbally abusive: regression to the anal stage can take the form of being extremely messy or untidy. According to Lokko and Stern (2014) common regressive behaviours in adults (hospitalized for regression) engaging in baby talk, playing possum, throwing tantrums, needing comfort objects, rocking, pacing, bed wetting etc. Screaming at others is a very common symptom of regression and research has shown that though screaming is done out of sheer frustration- it may at some unconscious level represent the fantasy of forcing someone else to listen and protect the screamer (Brenner 2006). Regression is occurring in some adults due to Cabin Fever- the feeling of discomfort by staying home for long times. Cabin fever can unconsciously trigger previous traumatic experiences for adults, especially experiences of punishment and consequently can also re-trigger trauma.

How to Deal with Regression

Usually, we stop using this defence when the stress goes away, but if we are seeing it is causing more harm than good then as an adult one should stop, breathe, ground oneself in one’s reality and recognise that one is not acting one’s age. This can be done by looking at one’s feet and or using grounding techniques. After having done that, one should mentally picture oneself as the age that one is behaving doing the activity that one is doing and compassionately talk to that mental image. For example- ask yourself why am I behaving this way?

To deal effectively with children is difficult. One must not shame the child for acting like a baby or bribe or cajole the child to behave in a particular way. This will only lead to a power struggle or exacerbate the regression as it is an unconscious way of eliciting additional support. Further, sympathizing and validating your child’s experiences are extremely important. Only after validation can one move to problem-solving.  The parents should maintain boundaries but should not ignore the child. This is important because even the parent, is going through a huge amount of stress. A way of validating your child’s experiences is to not jump to reassurances that everything will go back to ‘normal’ soon. The only way that children will return to a higher level of functioning is if they feel safe and secure. This can only occur if the parent does not deal with the child according to their own standards and instead follows the child’s lead.

Conclusion

Regression is extremely normal when short-lived. However, if it continues even after the traumatic incident has passed one should seek professional help. The scope of this article does not permit me to delve into the psychotherapeutic interventions which the pandemic necessitates. It is vital that we as individuals are not only patient with ourselves but also with others.

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